Each season, our very own Jerome V hands out awards for the greatest disgraces in the NFL Year That Was. Without further ado, the 2010 NFL Offseason Awards.
The Al Davis Award
Given to the team that most heinously overpays for draft talent, this year’s dubious selection goes to the Jacksonville ‘It’s in Florida’ Jaguars.
With their first-round selection of Cal DL Tyson Alualu, the Jags pulled the trigger on a guy that most likely would have been there much later in the draft. And even if you sidestep the whole value issue, you run smack into the fact that the Jags have about as much fan support as the Seattle Supersonics. They needed a splash and got a 295 lb. trickle instead.  The bitch of it is that he may actually be a fantastic player – in L.A.
Tyson Alualu Fans
The Larry Craig Award
Named after the famous Senatorial airport-bathroom diddler, this award goes to Steelers signal-caller Ben ‘Go Deep‘ Roethlisberger.
After a drunken nightclub-bathroom liaison with a 20-year-old Georgia co-ed devolved into a vicious he-said-she-said sexual assault charge, the Steel City QB was suspended for a minimum of 4 games by NFL Commish Roger ‘Bitchsmack’ Goodell. The real victims here are the kids who look up to NFL QBs as role models. Role models that abuse their status and money by getting freaky with really hot girls are celebrated. Roethlisberger got busy in a bathroom with a drunken, chipmunk-faced debutant.  At least the kiddies still have Reggie Bush.
Chipmunk Face
Kim Kardashian’s Ass (feat. Reggie Bush)
The Mancrush Award
Given to the most ardent relationship in the NFL, this award goes to Josh ‘Have It My Way’ McDaniels, whose mancrush on Florida stud Tim ‘Post-Fetus’ Tebow prompted the Broncos to draft the QB 25th overall.
While there are serious doubts about Tebow’s skill set, his ‘intangibles’ must have touched Coach McDaniels in just the right way, because the Broncos gave up 2nd, 3rd and 4th round picks to move up get the Florida product. From here on out, the careers of these two squeaky-clean, all-American boys are joined at the hip, which will suit them both just fine.
Wally...
...and The Beaver
The Alimony Award
Given to reward the most cold-blooded heartbreaker of the offseason, this award goes to Andy ‘Quarter-Pounder’ Reid and the Philadelphia Eagles.
First, the pass-happy West Coast guru let beat-up workhorse Brian Westbrook leave town for greener pastures (or maybe the glue factory).  Then he traded perennially maligned QB Donovan ‘Super 5’ McNabb to the division-rival Redskins. Now that’s gangster. As we all know, there’s only one thing worse than seeing your ex with someone else: seeing them twice a year in a tight division with a new partner who’s wearing two Super Bowl rings. True, Reid has legit young talent in ‘The Real’ Shady McCoy and Kevin Kolb, but…damn!  That’s some straight gangsta shit! Let’s hope those kids can ball. ‘Cuz if not, Reid will be the next one to get served.
‘Honey, we have to talk.’
The Ryan Leaf Award
This is a prestigious award, and the qualifications are strenuous. Not only must the candidate be the top overall pick, he has to fail even more spectacularly than Leaf, whose tempestuous time in the NFL was marked by fights, malingering, lawsuits, and ineptitude.  None so far were equal to the task. Not until Jamarcus ‘Let Me Eat Cake’ Russell.
Consider this: Leaf was a second overall pick. Russell was the first. Leaf was fined for missing a mandatory rookie symposium. Russell answered by skipping his whole rookie offseason and a couple of games. Leaf was so inept he got benched for Craig Whelihan. Russell answered by getting benched for Bruce Gradkowski and Charlie Frye. Leaf escaped San Diego with 11.25 million dollars, while Russell jacked Al ‘Skeletor’ Davis for an eye-popping 32 million FU’s.  Game, set, match Russell. Word is that Russell is moving on. He’s getting back in shape and will soon be trying out for a Chinese Buffet near you.
The Man Who Ate Lane Kiffen
